DONALD TRUMP'S TEN COMMANDMENTS
They're the best, the biggest, the most beautiful Commandments like no other anyone's ever seen
I am the Orange Overlord, your Golden God, and you’re not allowed to love anyone else the way you love me.
Don’t you ever say anything terrible about me or else I’ll write a mean tweet about you.
Remember that Sundays are my day to golf and don’t ask me to do anything on that day or any other day.
Honor me as both your father and mother, because mine didn’t love me and therefore I command you to love me
Many people say you shouldn’t kill, the killing is bad. I say I could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and no one would care. So there’s wiggle room if it’s one of my political enemies, and I tell you what, let’s just say if you get yourself into any trouble because you’re helping me out, there might be a pardon for you if you do. Otherwise, maybe don’t kill. Maiming is fine, I think. Or bear spray, maybe a flagpole as a battering ram/weapon, get creative with it, folks.
Now, this adultery one…what does it matter, am I right, folks? A man has needs, and if his third wife gets too fat and gross because she’s preggo with his fifth kid, he’s gonna have to look elsewhere, you know what I’m saying, fellas. What matters is if he’s going to give tax cuts to billionaires, that’s what matters, so go for it as long as you think you might not get caught. Or don’t if you aren’t man enough, a real man can’t be expected to keep it to one woman, especially when you’re famous.
Stealing is bad, ok, folks? Real bad. Look at Crooked Hillary Clinton and how she tried to steal the 2016 election and Sleepy Joe Biden who stole the 2020 election from me. Just horrible, what they did to me. Unless you’re stealing from a kids’ cancer charity or your own shell companies, then I think you can say you maybe had some grounds.
You want to talk about bearing false witness? Michael Cohen is a false witness, okay? Look how he lied about me to Congress, how he lied about me on the stand, under oath, after he swore on our beloved Bible that I absolutely have read. So don’t you go on the stand to lie about me, or else I’ll post mean things about you and then you’ll get doxxed. So maybe keep your mouths shut, alright?
Let me tell you, my neighbors’ wives who come to Mar-a-Lago are some of the most beautiful women you’ll ever see. The plastic surgery they can do on these women is amazing, they can look like my daughter Ivanka but with my daughter Tiffany’s breasts, it’s incredible, really amazing stuff. I know a lot about science thanks to my connection to MIT, folks, so let me tell you, the things these surgeons can do, it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before. So, look, your neighbor’s wife might not be as hot as mine, maybe she’s a 5 or a 6 on her best day, but also maybe she has an ass that won’t quit. I get it, trust me, guys. But at least try not to covet that wife too much, because she might end up being your second or third wife, and then HOO BOY, fellas, let me tell you what kind of trouble that’s gonna get you into, don’t even get me started.
Speaking of which, there’s no way my neighbors have nicer stuff than I do, okay folks? You’ve seen my Trump Tower apartment, you’ve seen the beautiful pool at Mar-a-Lago, the gold everywhere. Come on now, why would I want something someone else has in their shithole of a house, you know what I’m saying? I don’t need it, I have more money than anyone. Maybe your neighbor has a nicer house, nicer stuff, it can happen if you keep voting for the Democrat Party. Maybe you live in Milwaukee or Portland or another one of Joe Biden’s horrible sanctuary cities where immigrants are killing babies right after birth. That’s not my fault, folks, okay?
Get your copy of my perfect beautiful Commandments inside my personally autographed Bible that I’ve personally read several times! That’ll be $60 plus shipping and handling until I come up with yet another grift.
No disagreement here...we have to post them in every school, government agency, and fraternity house in America...
If only for the laughs, of course.
To be fair, Trump hasn't been able to get it up since about 2012, if not earlier.