It might be nearly 80 degrees in Manhattan today, but the Storm has come for Donald Trump.
Adult film star Stormy Daniels is testifying in Trump’s election interference/hush money trial, one day after Michael “Mikey the C” Cohen sat for his.
Their truth bombs follow some incredibly damning testimony provided by Hope Hicks as she cried on the stand, scared to reveal so much of Trump’s criminal behavior as he glared at her through his puffy lizard eyes. When he managed to keep them open, that is.
All of this, plus the forthcoming testimonies from the rest of the prosecution’s list, is going to drown Trump in MAGA tears.
Trump is also dangerously close to having to park his diapered ass in a jail cell if he violates his gag order for the ELEVENTH time. Does he have a Gag Order Violation punch card or something? And after the tenth one, you get a free overnight stay in the slammer?
Ten fucking violations and he can still perform his invisible accordion act in front of the press every day after court. Do I have to tell you where you or I would be if we pulled any of his courtroom stunts? I know I probably don’t, because none of us would’ve made it past that first arrest from last summer. We’d be rotting in the Fulton County Jail awaiting trial, which is really where I want Trump incarcerated.
Btw, the Fulton County Jail is back in the news for yet another inmate suffering a critical fall in one of the housing units.
Anyway, Stormy’s testimony is embarrassing the shit out of Trump (literally). The court reporters are doing the Lord’s work in that room, let me tell you.
Ooooof.
The truth about Trump should make MAGA rethink their whole loyalty thing, but it still won’t. He’s convinced his cult that it’s always been him against the world, because he’s a toxically narcissistic conman.
Watching Trump’s staggering (literally) demise in real time would be a lot more gratifying if we could see it live on TV. While it’s bad enough to read tweets like the ones by Anna Bower, it would be so much better to hear Stormy Daniels and Michael Cohen speaking for themselves. We should have had footage of Hope Hicks crying as she told the truth about Trump.
The MAGA implosion isn’t just centered in Manhattan, however. South Dakota Governor Dog Murderer KKKristi Noem is trying very hard to rewrite her ghostwritten crapbook now that she’s being called out for not just murdering her puppy, Cricket, along with a goat and some horses, but also for straight-up lying about “staring down” Kim Jong-Un during a trip she allegedly took to “the DMZ,” as she called it.
That never happened. NRA Noem is trying every possible narrative, from blaming her ghostwriter to “someone” adding the lie about her being too scary for a dictator to handle. Considering SHE NARRATED HER OWN AUDIOBOOK WITH THESE THINGS STILL IN IT, she needs to shut the entire fuck up.
KKKristi’s political career is decomposing in a gravel pit along with Cricket and the other animals. She needs to resign and then take her new Ivanka/Melania face out of the public eye forever. She’s always going to be called a puppy killer no matter what she posts or where she goes.
Speaking of puppies, there’s a Black Lab puppy named Bonzo in my rock and roll love story The Sound of Settling, and SPOILER ALERT, he lives to the end of the book! Because no one wants to read about a puppy getting shot in the face, WHOEVER SIGNED KKKRISTI NOEM! What the entire fuck, seriously? Who wasn’t the editor of her pile of propaganda?
As you know, I’ve been trying to get a traditional publishing deal for The Sound of Settling, and it’s so incredibly frustrating to see a once-reputable house like Harper Collins (which published Dave Grohl’s book, The Storyteller, and therefore would be the perfect home for my book) throwing away money and resources on that shit.
As of today, I’ve sold 644 copies on Amazon, and it’s been re-ordered at Powell’s already because there were only 4 of 26 copies left a few days ago. My mom thinks these numbers should impress a literary agent, and I’m inclined to agree. But no, keep making rebooted Superman movies, that’s fine SIIIIGH.
If you haven’t bought a copy of The Sound of Settling yet, I’d really appreciate it if you would. You can get it free with Kindle Unlimited or by requesting it from your local library. Or you can ask your local indie bookstore to order it.
MAGA people are not only trashing my book on Twitter, they’re here on Substack now and are going to start fucking with my livelihood.
This is what I’m up against when it comes to all of the self-promotion. I’m exhausted. Please boost my book on your socials while I claw my way through another week of querying agents.
I want the protection of an agent so I can find a collaborator and make with the adapting of the streaming series. I want a proper mass-market paperback of both TSOS and the follow-up, Heavy Meddling. And I want Eve Hewson to play Lila, because did you see her at the Met Gala? I don’t even care about the Met Gala, but I care a lot about getting my book to Eve, if anyone can help out with that.
If he is jailed, even in a holding cell, will he be provided with clean "underclothes"?
And the MAGAts will not believe one word of Stormy. And the MAGA women like Kristi the Dog Killer all think Donald Trump is the most f*ckable man that ever lived (even though he has probably been impotent since c 2012). And let's face it the only reason ANY woman ever thought Donald John Trump Sr (or Jr. or Eric or Elon Musk or...) was hot is BECAUSE of his perceived wealth.
Because I lack such perceived (or otherwise) wealth (and also my looks ain't gonna make women forget Brad Pitt or Jon Hamm) I feel that I am unworthy of love.