THE MAGA CULT GETS IT WRONG YET AGAIN
Celebrating Hunter Biden's guilty verdict while denying Trump's is exactly what we expected
Here’s my kind of “woke” math:
88 is more than 3.
Adjudicated rapist convicted felon Donald Trump is currently awaiting sentencing on his 34 felony convictions in the New York election interference hush money trial that he lost BIGLY.
Conversely, private citizen Hunter Biden was found guilty of three gun-related charges and is now facing his own sentencing. There are so many glaring differences between Hunter’s case and Trump’s.
As Tom Petty so wisely sang, the waiting is the hardest part. We have a month until we learn Felonious Trump’s fate. Who the fuck could possibly guess what Judge Merchan’s sentence will be, especially after he allowed that fucking adjudicated convicted felon to meet with his (female) probation officer via Zoom with his inept lawyer sitting next to him. No one else gets to virtually meet with their P.O., and they never get to have their lawyer with them, and I’m really fucking tired of Princess Perfidy getting all of this special white (privilege) glove treatment, as if he’s some special delicate snowflake instead of a potential inmate.
BUT WAIT, there’s more!
54 more, to be exact.
Trump is still facing 54 felony counts across three upcoming trials for his crimes against the United States: the stolen Mar-A-Lago documents case, the Georgia election fraud case, and the January 6th/federal election fraud case.
Whew! There’s just so much Trump criming to keep up with. Again, I ask of the GOP: would you have been enthusiastically backing Mitt Romney in 2012 if his record matched Trump’s in any way, even a little bit?
While all of Trump’s trials may be delayed until after the election (grrrr), there’s plenty of hope that once they happen (please hurry up and pick a lane, Aileen Cannon), he’ll be in extra big trouble times three.
Michael Cohen went to prison and was in solitary confinement for the same exact crimes Trump was convicted of in New York. There are no statutes protecting private citizens from being properly sentenced, so it stands to reason that Trump should receive the same—or at least a similar—punishment as Cohen’s.
Meanwhile, MAGA is gleefully celebrating Hunter Biden’s conviction while crying about Trump’s. As I wrote yesterday, Trumpocrites are gonna Trumpocrite whenever possible. The same judicial system held both Trump and Hunter accountable, but MAGAts don’t like the Trump verdict and therefore are embracing his new felon status.
If Hunter's last name was Smith, MAGAts would be screaming for justice for him instead of jail. Oddly, many of them are claiming it’s a setup of some kind. The conspiracy pretzels are getting loopier, I tells ya.
Thanks to our pal Jeff Tiedrich for another spot-on blistering takedown of the Trumpocrites, there are multiple screenshots of the NRA-owned Putin Puppets twisting the truth into propaganda. Here’s just one, from full-on gun nut Andrew Clyde, he of the AR-15 lapel pins. Yes, the same fucking coward who cowered during January 6th. Check this bullshit.
So, the law is only “equal” when people who don’t have blackmail on you get popped? Or something?
They’ve been screaming for a trial for Hunter, but then they’re all NO NOT LIKE THIS. They wanted him to testify in the House, but NOT THE WAY HE DID IT. They claimed his daddy would pull strings to get him special treatment, WHICH DID NOT HAPPEN, but they’re crying anyway because they don’t want to have to accept Trump’s verdict too.
FUUUUUUCK THE GOP.
I’m hoping that Hunter’s sentencing will be simple probation because he really didn’t do anything that awful. He’s a private citizen who’s not running for office. His father didn’t interfere with his trial. I worry about Hunter’s recovery in the face of so much public scrutiny and the stress that he’s been enduring for so long. But he also has a loving and supportive father, stepmother, and extended family.
Find me one photo of Donald Trump embracing his children in a non-Bad Touch way. Or one of Melania proudly sitting with any of her stepchildren. Or just sitting with them. I can wait.
MAGAts cling to false equivalence and bullying because they have nothing else. Trump’s support is slipping, and Hunter’s verdict is a perfect distraction for them. It doesn’t make Trump any less of a felon. It won’t stop his sentencing from coming. It won’t stop the other trials, even if Donny Delay manages to put off the inevitable for a few more months. But it may impact the upcoming debates, in that he probably was never going to show up for any of them in the first place despite all the false bravado from his campaign.
We’ve seen Trump’s public meltdowns getting worse by the day. Without a TelePrompter, the man can’t deliver a full sentence. He did some unhinged monologue about sharks and batteries the other day at his Vegas Heatstroke Rally as people left in droves.
We’re also now starting to hear the beginning of a “maybe Trump should refuse to debate Biden” talking point from Sean Hannity and the other Putin Puppets to keep Trump’s criminality off live TV in front of millions, many of whom haven’t been paying attention like we have.
OK, Trumpocrites, we see you. The next excuse for not debating Joe Biden will be something really insane, like Trump doesn’t need to debate because his voters already know who he is or whatever shitass lame excuse he used for not showing up to the GOP debates. What a cowardly convicted felon of an adjudicated rapist he is.
***CLEANSING YOGIC BREATHING***
Okely dokely.
So, The Sound of Settling is just 16 copies away from hitting 700 sold as I write this, and you know how you can help, so I won’t noodge you today. Just, you know, please and whatnot.
Instead, I’m leaving you with five minutes of pure joy from last night at Mississippi Studios in Portland, where my beloved Low Bar Chorale joined forces with local brass badasses Mr. Vale’s Math Class, Sean “Trombone Jesus” Badders, and the vocal powerhouse that is Mz Arietta Ward.
Everyone loves a horn section, am I right? You can’t be sad if there’s a horn section, even if the song is sad. We did so many great songs last night, including “Suspicious Minds,” but I wanted to share “Sledgehammer” with you because HORN SECTION ENERGY!
This will be my testimony, YEAH.
Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser