DAMMIT, DECEMBER, DON'T DO ME LIKE THIS

Or, when bad things keep happening to a good person

December is the cruelest month to be out of work.

I watched the Amazon Prime movie A Good Person the other day, mainly to kill two hours and twenty minutes after too many hours searching for work online.

Written and directed by Zach Braff and set in his version of New Jersey where everyone is attractive and still looks good with greasy hair and no makeup, A Good Person is not a good movie. But it does make you think about what makes a person “good” or “bad.”

Widower and recovering alcoholic Morgan Freeman, who has a huge train set in his basement modeled on the town he lives in because why have anything be subtle, has lost his adult daughter and her husband in a tragic—and entirely preventable—car accident. Florence Pugh—the aforementioned greasy and plain-faced radiant beauty—was the driver, and she’s plunged into a year-long crippling depression made even worse by her Oxy addiction.

Have you made the connection yet? Let me help: Freeman’s daughter was Pugh’s future sister-in-law. And out of all the AA meetings in this and the surrounding towns, Pugh walks into Freeman’s.

Yes, I watched the whole thing. It doesn’t go exactly where I thought it would, but it was definitely a good 30 minutes too long. MY POINT IS that there’s a scene late in the movie where Freeman unloads on Pugh, and during his rant, he yells “I’M A GOOD PERSON!”

And I burst into tears.

Because I know I’m a good person. I’m just dealing with a bad run of things, like not being able to get a job despite all of my efforts.

Last year at this time, I had TWO jobs writing about politics online and now I have ZERO jobs and that doesn’t seem right at a time when no one in the MSM seems to be capable of telling truths about anything.

Quick aside—I’m on Cameo and I’m available to help you with videos full of facts to combat your MAGA relatives or advice to help you deal with politics or anything else. Better me than Grifting George Santos.

There’s that famous book by a rabbi, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, which just made it seem like those of us who are Jewish have it rougher than anyone. It kind of feels like that right now. I mean, Alex Jones is back on Twitter. I don’t have the capacity for any of that shit and I’m still not leaving.

Anyheez, I’m a good person who gets occasionally good things amid the daily struggle of unemployment. Being out of work for any amount of time is a soul-crushing experience for anyone, but especially when you think you’ve reached a certain point in your professional life where you shouldn’t have to work outside of your field to live. I realize I offer a fairly limited skill set, but I excel within those limited skills. And I’m not the only one who thinks so.

My self-published rock and roll love story, The Sound of Settling, has sold 370 copies. As of today (Monday Dec 11th), nearly 13,500 pages have been read on Kindle. Between Friday, December 8, and Sunday, December 10th, two people finished my book. In the last seven days, 1255 pages were read.

This seems impressive to me, how about you?

Then there are the reviews, which are knocking me sideways. One Twitter follower has already read it TWICE. Everyone is clamoring for a sequel, which I hadn’t considered until everyone started demanding one.

I mean, WOW.

BRB getting resuscitated.

What agent wouldn’t want to rep this book (jk, it’s at least 60 by now who’ve rejected it)? Where’s the Hollywood bidding war to adapt it?

December is the cruelest month because everyone uses the holidays as an excuse not to work or hire anyone.

All of this goodness should be offsetting the bad stuff, but none of it pays the rent. I’m ready for the DEMAND. I’m ready to TURN AWAY work because my load is already overburdened. I’m ready to be an overnight success because how else will I pay January rent?

Even though I said I wasn’t leaving Twitter, I do have a caveat for that. I tweeted Elon Musk yesterday and told him he could just pay me the same exact amount he pays Linda Yaccarino ($6m + bonuses) to ignore Twitter, too.

Because I’m a good person, I’d do such good things with all that money. SIGH. Until such time, thank you for supporting the Little Match Girl of the Internet until she finally catches her big break at the ripe young age of 54.