DONALD TRUMP IS OFF THE BALLOT IN COLORADO & MTG IS SCARED OF ME

I've been saying for months that he won't be the GOP nominee & Marjorie needs to go prison like yesterday along with the rest of the Trumpublicans who plotted January 6th, but what do I know?

By now I’m sure you’re well aware of the historic decision to remove Donald Trump from the ballot in Colorado, which is expected to be followed up by other state challenges.

The MAGA Smokescreen immediately went up, with his remaining unindicted co-conspirators blaming it on “politics” while conveniently sidestepping the fact that the challenge was brought by six Republicans.

While Disqualified Donald cries and grifts and threatens to go to SCOTUS with an appeal, he’s not going to be successful. And he’s not going to win any other challenges in any of the other states that are going to vote to remove him, just like he’s not going to win any of the cases on his current court calendar.

The irony of these “patriots” who live by the 2nd Amendment suddenly railing against the 14th Amendment could fortify my blood for decades.

I hear Leonard Leo is a DeSantis stan. Wrong horse, Lenny! Chris Christie still can’t beat Joe Biden, but he’s less unlikeable than Governor Gitmo and he’s capable of saying truthful things about Trump. Go take a meeting with former Gov. Bridgegate and you’ll see he’s the only viable option you all have, not that it’ll help.

Now is when I remind you I still don’t have a job writing about politics or anything else.

This is also a fine time to remind you that Marjorie Taylor Greene bragged about helping plot January 6th from the steps of the White House before she was sworn into office.

Marjorie Manson has remained loyal to Trump despite not getting her promised pardon after their coup failed. If you know me at all, you know I’ve been tweeting that clip and asking Marge forever why she’s the way she is, but she’s too scared of me to ever respond because I have the truth on my side.

I also love how Qunty would keep tweeting AOC and Jimmy Kimmel asking them to debate her but she ignores my challenges, which gives me so much joy.

As does knowing people love my book, The Sound Of Settling, while Marge’s ghostwritten crapbook printed on laundered MAGA grift money tanked so terribly that Amazon shut off her 1-star reviews.

At the same time, a few MAGAts have found TSOS and have left some glaringly fake 1-star reviews, which is bringing my average down. Could you take a moment and give me a 5-star rating to boost me up a bit? And while you’re there, maybe grab a copy if you haven’t already.

Because maybe these latest 5-star reviews will give you enough FOMO that you just have to find out why my readers are racing through my rock and roll love story.

I mean, WOW.

As of today (December 20th), I’ve sold 390 copies. Yesterday, there were 15,000 pages read on Kindle. Today, it’s 15,856.

That means two people finished it since yesterday and a third is nearly finished. I feel like these numbers should be enough to impress an agent or Hollywood producer, but also it’s five days before Christmas and no one is working anywhere.

Breaking down the numbers even more, because Kindle lets you see all kinds of fun stats, I have the literal receipts that should matter to someone other than myself.

In the last 7 days, nearly 2000 pages have been read.
In the last 14 days, I’ve sold 40 books.

I know these aren’t Stephen King numbers, but I’m so proud of them because I did this myself and I’m exhausted and I’m ready to get a proper deal.

If my life was a Hallmark Christmukkah movie, I’d get a last-minute call from my Deus Ex Machina saying they’re going to buy my book and we’re all going to Hollywood, and here’s your entire next year’s rent in one check.

Until then, tell your friends to check out The Sound of Settling so you can say you were into my stuff before I got big, man.