GET. IN. THE. STREETS.

Your BBQ can wait until dinnertime

Tomorrow is Labor Day, so you’re probably not working.

What are you doing instead, and is it more important than fighting fascism for a few hours?

(I’m the daughter of a Jewish woman, I know from the guilt)

I’m guessing not, so I’d love for you to push whatever cookout plans you might have until later in the day. Because we’re back in the streets tomorrow, and we need the biggest turnout yet in all 50 states and Washington, DC.

It’s technically a “Workers Against Billionaires” march, specifically the tech bros who are very anxious to get Peter PayPal Thiel’s powerless bottom, JD “Vladimir Futon” Vance, into the ultimate power position. There’s still the issue of Elon “Clarice Starlink” Musk and his dumb DOGE dipshits having their soft milky-white hands all over our personal financial information AND election results.

And then there’s the pretend billionaire, the felonious false for-profit convicted felon adjudicated rapist Epstein Bestie owned by Putin. Donny Shithands isn’t looking too good, and that’s something we’re going to embrace.

I have the great honor of not just speaking at the Portland, Oregon, “music festival” (a lot of content creators are using this term to thwart the evil social media algorithms that suppress us in the attempt to keep us from organizing); I’m the final speaker before we move into the streets.

It’s my job to motivate the people to mobilize, and I’m excited to see the turnout, because Portland always shows up for a protest with their sign game fully on point.

We need to be out there in DROVES. So I ask you again: what’s more important than fighting fascism for a few hours? Come walk the walk with me!

That’s how we started this year of protests, and we’re still going.

I understand if being in a big protest march isn’t your thing. But there are always speeches before the marches, and you can go and listen, and then you can stand on the sidewalks along the march’s route and cheer on the rest.

If that’s just not going to happen for you, I understand that, too. If you’re reading this, you’re at least aware of the protests and can share the information on your socials. Share the videos we post and make sure you tag the MSM so they’re forced to cover the crowds. It should be the biggest story tomorrow. And then we can get back to the business of holding Trump accountable for the Epstein files and the obvious election interference.

We haven’t actually seen Sundowning PawPaw McCankles out and about much this last week, and many people were saying he had finally stopped being alive. It’s weird that the press was predicting Joe Biden’s imminent demise on the daily if he so much as had a sore throat. But Donny Drive-Thru can plop his diapered ass behind the Resolute Desk looking like the Scary Old Man from Poltergeist II and everyone’s all, “He’s never looked younger!”

It’s uncanny, innit (Image generated on Twitter using Grok, which should only be used to humiliate Trump and MAGA)

Anyway, after a lot of MAGA accounts shared old pictures and videos of Trump on various golf courses from earlier this summer or other years because they can’t do anything honestly, we got proof of (a waste of a) life from Getty Images that he’s still on this side of the ground.

But people are curious about it, because it’s from really far away, plus when has Ego McMuffin ever missed a photo op for his brand? What is that hat?

Petty coward Cadet Bone Spurs hates the military, so that’s a weird choice to cover up his thinning hair. Plus, this is just him being led to a car. We haven’t seen a picture of him on the golf course in a while. Seems cover-uppy, kind of like what MAGA accused the previous administration of doing to President Biden.

Speaking of the devil(ishly handsome), a spry Joe Biden was spotted out and about this weekend in the seaside resort town of Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, with his daughter, Ashley, and other members of the Biden family. If you look very closely, you’ll see his nice, unblemished hand without a big glob of unblended makeup on it. Plus, check those slim ankles on Joe! The Biden family really does have great jeans, even when they’re shorts.

Get all the ice cream you want, Mr. Last Real President!

This summer really flew by, didn’t it? As the wise philosopher Taylor Swift sang, August slipped away like a bottle of wine. Only this year, it’s more like a bucket of whine.

“Einsteintember” (h/t to the brilliantly hilarious Jeff Tiedrich) will be bringing a lot of truth to light in just its first few days, so hang in there with me. If you’re in Portland, please join me tomorrow at the Waterfront if you can. And if you do, say hi!

It’s also the final day of the month, which means it’s my last chance to put up some sales for The Sound Of Settling. If you don’t have a copy of my rock and roll love story yet, now’s the time to grab one before I go superviral for my speech tomorrow, and agents start a bidding war to finally sign me. Instant collectors’ item, yo!

The final day of the month also means the rent is due tomorrow, and my cats don’t care about that. But they do care about eating, so if you’re willing to upgrade to a paid subscription or contribute to the Make Sure Duke & Maxine Don’t Start Eating My Face In My Sleep Fund, I’d greatly appreciate it. You know, until I sign that lucrative multi-book deal and film option for The Sound Of Settling.

See you in September, my friends!