THE GOOD GUYS VS THE BAD GUYS

I think I've seen this film before

When my younger brother and I were little, no one wanted to sit next to him at the movies because he never stopped asking questions. Where were they going? What were they doing? He wouldn’t be shushed, he had to know.

But his number one question whenever a new person appeared on the screen was, “Is that a good guy or a bad guy?”

The first time he never asked that question was when we saw “Star Wars” in 1977. It was glaringly obvious who the good guys and bad guys were.

Today, five-year-old Philip wouldn’t have to ask that question either if he was shown a screenshot of Kamala Harris and Tim Walz side-by-side with one of Donald Trump and JD Vance.

It’s also glaringly obvious who the good guys and bad guys are in the 2024 election.

The reception Vice President Kamala Harris has received over the last two weeks has been nothing short of astonishing. The energy and enthusiasm for her have been off the charts right out of the gate. Her radiant joy is undeniable, to the point where the MSM is actually being forced to cover her accurately because the reaction to her merits that coverage. It’s Obama 2008 energy on steroids, and we just got a big ol injection yesterday when America met her running mate, Minnesota Governor Tim “Balls To The” Walz.

On paper, Walz is a MAGA wet dream, minus one glaring detail. He’s a white male gun-owning former high school football coach who served in the military (24 years in the National Guard, and anyone slamming him for never seeing active combat should have a chat with Cadet Bone Spurs and Hillbilly Effigy JD Vance, who spent his 6-month deployment in a cushy air-conditioned office gig). If Walz was a Republican, he’d probably be President already.

Instead, Tim Walz is a Democrat with an F rating from the NRA, which has triggered MAGA to a new level of insanity. Thanks to Walz, “weird” will forever be associated with Trump and his cultists.

Walz has been fully embraced by Democrats, particularly the younger GenZ kids, which is another thing MAGA hates. Their VP pick is the most historically unpopular choice in history. JD “Vladimir Futon” Vance is so unliked that his favorable rating is in the negative numbers. Yes, it’s possible to poll in the negative. And it’s also possible to keep getting more negative as you keep being terrible.

It’s pretty delicious, if you ask me.

Vance tried to pull some Philadelphia focus by showing up on the same day as the Harris/Walz rally, which resulted in a sparsely attended press conference outside of a police station and a weakly received rally. Nice optics for his running mate, the convicted felon adjudicated rapist being sentenced in six weeks.

MAGA is just so, so bad at this.

I mean, that’s just weird.

The dumb MAGA bullies are trying everything to make it seem like they’re not all shit-scared of losing to The Black Lady. They’re calling Tim “Minnesota State Fair Slingshot” Walz “the most radical leftist” in the Democratic Party.

Ok, Trumpers.

They can’t come close to replicating the joy we witnessed yesterday at the official Harris/Walz campaign launch rally in Philadelphia.

It’s The Coach vs The Couch. It’s Friday Night Lights vs Five Nights at Freddy’s.

Tim Walz is like if someone wrote the perfect biography for a Vice President. Hillbilly Effigy wrote his own memoir full of lies trashing his hometown, and I think we all know how that’s going for him.

Walz landed the line of the day when he told the crowd he couldn’t wait to debate “JV” Vance. “That is if he’s willing to get off the couch and show up,” Coach said drolly.

Kamala’s reaction to that is already an evergreen meme.

They’re allegedly set to debate in September, which is going to be the worst month of Donald Trump’s miserable life thanks to the confluence of so many court cases coming together all at once. All Walz has to do is tell the truth about both Trump and Vance, because they’re the bad guys.

Like these truths.

I mean, there are plenty of terrible things Coach Walz can say about Trump and Vance, but I’d love for him to open a debate with these two facts and just see what happens.

The MAGA losers are going to keep weakly bullying and we’re going to laugh at them. This is the point in the GenX bullies vs nerds movie where there’s a montage of us building our cool clubhouse and getting ready for the big faceoff with our nemeses and it’s set to “New Song” by Howard Jones.

It’s going to be a JOY to support this ticket for the next three months. The joy is back!

The good guys are going to win, because we are. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose!

(PS, please also buy/boost my book The Sound of Settling. Thank you, I love you!)