THE REPUBLICAN PUBLISHING RACKET

Russian-funneled blood money is still plenty green once it's laundered, you know

Welcome back, my friends, to the Republican Publishing Racket that never ends!

The “RPR” (just to save space) is a longtime money-laundering service for Russian-funneled blood money to the RNC provided by huge publishers like HarperCollins and Simon & Schuster and their smaller imprints.

The RPR has been chugging along without anyone stopping it for YEARS.

The RNC and the GOP are using grifted MAGA campaign funds to falsely boost book sales, which then rockets those books to the top of bestseller lists.

Nobody actually reads any of these ghostwritten crapbooks, which are stuffed into gift bags or used as props at public appearances. They’re doomed to a dust-covered shelf life next to the unread John Grisham and James Patterson books.

In just one example from 2021, Texas Senator and permanent Trump toilet/bidet Ted Cruz had his staff spend $154,000 of his supporters’ donations on copies of his book, One Vote Away, and an additional $18,000 to promote it via Facebook ads reading “Buy my new book!” and “Order it here” over photos of Cruz.

Both actions increased sales of “One Vote Away,” which in turn allegedly triggered illegal royalty payments to Cruz that have never been investigated.

Seems really bad, Ted. Even worse, mf has a new book out called “Unwoke,” and he can get all the way bent when none of them even know what “woke” means and “unwoke” isn’t even a word.

Then there’s evil Disney cartoon villain “Reichstag” Ron DeSantis, who briefly enjoyed having the #1 non-fiction book on Amazon and other bestseller lists last March. Kind of ironic when he wants to ban most of the books in America while defunding public education because he’s a fucking Florida fascist. Also, the reviews were all horrendous, because Ron DeSantis is a fucking Florida fascist.

At least pickled Republican rat bastard traitor Mark Meadows is being sued by his conservative publisher, All Seasons Press, for lying in his book, The Chief’s Chief. I guess that’s what happens when you’re finally forced to sign an immunity deal with Jack Smith to save your own ass, which is apparently worth at least $1.3 in “damages.”

According to the AP, The Chief’s Chief has sold around 23,000 copies. Most of those sales came in 2021 when the book came out. All Seasons says it sold approximately 60,000 copies out of a printing of 200,000.

Sold to the RNC, most likely. I’m sure they’ll get all of their money back from a drunken Trumper, but it’ll take a while. Just ask Jack Smith about what it takes to get Mark Meadows to agree to anything, dumbfucks.

How does this keep happening, you might ask? Allow me to sum up, because it’s too much to explain.

Here’s the RPR’s vicious cycle:

1. Sign the shittiest people to multi-book deals (ex: Mike Pence, Josh Hawley, Jared Kushner, Matt Gaetz. (RAPEY MCFOREHEAD CAPTAIN VENMO MATT GAETZ HAS A BOOK DEAL AND I DON’T. More on that in a sec.)

2. Quickly churn out a ghostwritten pile of propaganda that no trees ever should’ve died for, and which quite often reveals a major piece of Trump info that could’ve saved lives and/or put him in prison. But their book sales!

3. Despite always getting awful reviews, the books rocket to the top of all of the bestseller lists because the RNC bought them all up.

4. Repeat ad nauseam, because that Russian-funneled blood money isn’t going to clean itself, Ronna!

Next up for the RPR is MTG, who has her own pile of lies and treason coming out on November 21st.

This one is slightly different, however, in that the “publisher,” Winning Team Press (lol) is run by Don Jr. It’s essentially printed on grifted MAGA donations. Meanwhile, I imagine Marge’s poor ghostwriter undergoing shock therapy to undo the brain damage caused by the act of writing an entire book without one fact in it.

Still-at-Large Marge is already a millionaire thanks to inhering her daddy’s business and a LOT of Putin-y “gifts,” so I really don’t think a domestic terrorist should get to make even more money for doing fuck-all.

But apparently, nothing will stop the Republican Publishing Racket as long as there are still Republicans and Russia, so what can the average American voter who reads do about this?

There are many things, from not voting for Republicans to not buying any books from publishers who churn out the constant MAGA crap. That might be tough, because Simon & Schuster published a lot of great writers, like Stephen King. HarperCollins published Dave Grohl’s book, The Storyteller.

You could probably email them and ask them to stop publishing shitty lying traitorous assholes, but they probably wouldn’t respond. And if they did, I’m sure they’d do it while hiding behind the First Amendment.

Frustrating, innit?

Take that frustration out on Republicans by voting for Democrats down-ballot next November. Yes, even Joe Biden, and just stfu with any whining about why you don’t want Joe Biden.

And please buy my self-published book, The Sound of Settling, which I wrote all by myself and contains ZERO lies or pro-Putin propaganda. Outselling domestic terrorists wasn’t my original goal when I finally decided to release my beloved rock and roll love story, but it would really be a nice added bonus.