TWENTY THREE YEARS IS A REALLY LONG TIME

It's Times Like These when I wish I could go back in time

By now, you’re hopefully aware of my rock and roll love story, The Sound of Settling, because that’s why I started this Substack.

How would you react if you found out your rock star crush had a crush on you?

Today, August 5th, is the 23rd anniversary of the greatest fan-meets-rockstar story EVER. The one that inspired my beloved book. I never could’ve made it up if it hadn’t happened to me, because it had never happened before.

No one has a story like mine, full stop.

There’s no precedent because it happened pre-social media. There’s no way to replicate it because now people can meet online and talk forever before they meet in real life.

My story isn’t just important to me personally. I believe my meet-cool with Dave eventually saved the Foo Fighters, who were on the brink of breaking up in 2002 when he rolled into Portland with Queens of the Stone Age and we had a little chat after their soundcheck at the old Berbati’s (RIP).

If you don’t want to watch this whole video, here’s the TL/DW version.

Dave: You should go to Coachella, my main band is probably breaking up. We all fucking hate each other & rehearsals have been shit, so we’re going to be a cover band and then break up on stage.
Me: OK, promise me you’ll play my favorite song, then.
Dave: M’kay, what is it?
Me: Heroes, by David Bowie.
Dave: Nah, I can’t, because dumb reasons that only make sense to me.
Me: Ok, then you have to write me one that’s just as good.
Dave: M'kay.

If you watch the Foo Fighters documentary Back and Forth, Dave describes writing “Times Like These” while on tour in a hotel room in Portland.

He just leaves out the part where I inspired him to rewrite “Heroes.”

Listen to them side by side and then tell me you don’t hear it.

So you might understand why I want to get answers to the questions that have been living in my head for 23 years. I wrote my own answers in The Sound Of Settling, and people love it, but I’d still like the real answers.

My poor brain really needs it at this point.

I don’t expect Dave to remember things the way I remember them—he’s had bazillions of conversations with bazillions of people over the last 23 years, while I’ve only hung out with him a handful of times. But if I had the chance to ask him, I bet there are things he remembers too, hell yeah.

I’ve taken a lot of shit from a lot of people for years for simply loving this band. I’ve been called a “groupie” (which is beyond false, because I’ve never exchanged bodily fluids with Dave Grohl or any other rock star), a “stalker” (also beyond false, because I don’t know where he lives, I’ve never tried to find his house on any trip I’ve taken to LA, and I didn’t even know he had a third daughter until she was like 5 or something. Plus, HE STARTED IT), and “crazy,” which I’m not.

I don’t know why my loving this band upsets people, except sometimes my enthusiasm for things is louder and more forward-facing, and the energy can be a lot for some.

There’s also no precedent to follow here. My head exploded on August 5, 2001. I had felt invisible and taken for granted by my then-husband. So that night at the Troubadour literally changed the way I thought of myself.

Why would Dave Grohl know me? Why would he care? WHY and HOW and WHYYYY? Over the years I cycled through a lot of different feelings about it. He made me feel seen, made me feel special, made me feel like I had something no one else had. But that wasn’t how the rest of the world—or even the rest of his band or crew—treated me.

While nothing physical ever happened between us other than hugs or the briefest of kisses on my forehead—a true sign of his affection—there are things Dave said to me that I’ll NEVER tell, ever ever ever, even if I write a memoir, because those things are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Also, Dave has three daughters, and while they can always ask the Google about their dad’s life before he met their mom, there are things I believe parents and their kids never need to know about each other because everyone is entitled to privacy.

I’m not a vindictive bitch and I have no reason to be one. Even if I never spoke to him again—which would be so incredibly sad considering the history—I’d still never go on the internet and be like, LOOKIT WHAT I KNOW ABOUT DAVE GROHL.

Gross. I would never, ever, EVER.

The last time I spoke with Dave Grohl was in 2009 when he was in Portland with Them Crooked Vultures. The last time I saw Foo Fighters was 2015. A lot has happened to Dave and Foo Fighters and to me since then, heartbreaking and devastating things.

I’m a really bad groupie stalker, you guys. I got distracted by my life being really sucky and hard, which he doesn’t know about and doesn’t have to because my life doesn’t actually revolve around him. But I know what I know and I feel what I feel.

I just would love confirmation already. I would love to be able to start telling a different Dave Grohl story after this and I bet everyone who knows me would love that too.

Dave and I are both 55 now. He’s been married for 21 years. It’s not the same as it was when we first met. I don’t want HIM, I want to talk to him. I want him to know that when I use his name, it’s with love and respect. I like to think he’d be happy to see me again after all this time and he’d be as delighted with The Sound of Settling as everyone else who’s read it, particularly because of the Foo Fighters Easter eggs I’ve hidden all through it.

Crushes don’t last, but real love does.

I will always love this band.

I will always have a special place in my heart for Dave. Foo Fighters will be in Portland a week from Friday, and I’d love to say hi to my old friend and have a nice little chat to catch up.

It’s time. 🖤