YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING
Or, Tara Tells the Truth About What We Really Need Right Now
After a long period of languishing at the bottom, I woke up to an algo boost from Substack:
This isnāt nearly my first time getting ranked; Iāve reached as high as #4 on Substack, which resulted in exactly 0 new book sales. I donāt understand how anything works, so trying to make any hay out of this might be another fruitless exercise. But maybe things are changing for the better, at least in a way thatās meaningful for me personally.
Iāve often written about my āmusical group therapy,ā Low Bar Chorale, which has given me a true community here in Portland. What began as a small core group of people who just wanted to hang out and sing together in three-part harmony has now grown into a local phenomenon with 150 of us packing into Show Bar at Revolution Hall for our regular meetups. We also gather at other venues around town for pop-ups in bars or special themed shows, like our annual all-CSNY show coming up next week, and the glorious night we spend every July at Stoller Family Winery, which is always magical.
Low Bar hasnāt just given me a place to go to sing my feelings, but itās brought me a true community of supportive friends, espeically women friends, which was something I had been missing in my life. When Iām there, I do what I can to forget about politics, declaring any room where weāre singing as a āsafe spaceā where no bad things are allowed to be discussed.
But while Iāve been touting my offline community so much and bragging about how it helps me stay mentally and emotionally balanced, I lost sight of the fact that I really didnāt have the same kind of supportive community anywhere online.
Donāt get me wrongāI clearly have the best people already on my side, because youāre here and/or weāre already connected thanks to the social media apps. Iāve had the occasional tweet go viral, I go on the podcasts when Iām invited, and Iām constantly posting while also trying to find a steady income, while never giving up on that dream book deal.
But Iāve felt more like a lonerāand a rebel, if you willākind of floating out there by myself, always needing to ask for help and boosts because I hadnāt been a part of one of those big Twitter DM rooms in a very, very long time. Maybe it was a self-imposed exile, considering Iād had my share of DM Room Drama and had no desire to revisit the shittiness that always seemed to creep into any conversation with more than two people and poison the whole thing.
As someone who survived brutal bullying in middle and high school, as well as the daily MAGA bullying, the last thing I need is more drama in my life, particularly when it comes from those who are supposed to be on the same political side.
Letās go back to 2018, when we couldnāt comprehend the idea of ever having to live under a second illegitimate Trump administration, and we were extremely worried about both the midterms and the looming 2020 election. This was in the pre-Elon years, so my blue checkmark meant something. I had visibility and was gaining respect as an edgy political voice, especially since Iād achieved the ultimate Twitter prize: The Blocked By Trump Quadfecta.
If I remember correctly, Alyssa Milano had been the one whoād first suggested we get privately organized so we could boost Democrats, and so a lot of āDemocratic influencersā who had risen to some kind of fame in the post-Trump years got together in a DM room with A LOT of other celebrities, and other accounts far bigger than mine. There were close to 200 accounts in there at one point, not all of them super active, but the point was to boost each otherās tweets, grow our followings, and get Democrats elected.
We did Zoom calls with current candidates and young Democratic upstarts who had a clearly strong future ahead of them, like the openly gay Mayor from South Bend who spent some time with us. There were so many famous people on that particular call that I just kept clicking through, marveling that I was allowed to be in such company.
Because the original room had hundreds of people in it, eventually, smaller DM rooms were createdāsome out of necessity to stay on a particular topic, others because they wanted a place for more casual conversation, instead of clogging up the more focused and political one.
It was in one of those smaller rooms that I experienced the kind of drama and targeted hate campaign that youād associate with middle schoolers or MAGA, not Democrats.
Some people from that room had privately DMād me to say that one of the up-and-coming accounts for our side, Lindy Li, was copying their tweets, essentially word-for-word, to boost her own engagement rather than anyone elseās. They also said she was buying followers because her numbers had increased dramatically in a very short amount of time. But they didnāt want to call her out in the room because of the drama it would create. Once I saw how obvious it was, I knew someone had to say something. Why not be an adult and do the right thing? Itās dumb, but itās worse to keep letting someone get away with being a shitty person.
I DMād one person to tell them Lindy had stolen their tweets, and they should probably check it out. I didnāt tell them to do anything specific or to go after her; I was merely acting as a messenger looking out for them.
And then Lindy DMād me to ask why I was ātelling everyoneā she steals tweets. I replied that I had simply shared info that had been shared with me. She accused me of being a racist, which is a tremendous and absolutely crazy leap to make. Iād shared all of the awful MAGA tweets Iād gotten simply for being Jewish, so no, I didnāt warn someone about you because of the way she looked. Because, as I told her, lies have no color.
She went to the room and cried about me, playing both the victim and race cards equally, and I was banished without getting to tell my side. Instead, I was ostracized, called a grifter, and worse. Those labels can stick to a person for a long time online if there are enough people around to reinforce them.
So I watched Lindy skyrocket all the way to appearances on MSNBC while I still struggled to pay the bills. She and others like the Krassensteins had unlocked the key to grift the liberal accounts. There were more like them, some of whom have faded into obscurity. Others are still making money hand over fist. Me, Iām still waiting to make my fortune in an honest way. But hey, what do I know, right?
Oh, wait, who was that whining and playing the victim on FOX NEWS right after Kamala lost the 2024 election?
Itās fine.
The last time I was part of a DM room was in 2024, when I was grateful to be invited into a Kamala room of mostly Black women. Itās always been my goal to create productive conversations between white and Black women, and in my early days in that room, I received some needed correction when it came to my approach. But there wasnāt drama. It was helping to bridge a huge gap in our communication and connections while working our asses off to elect Kamala Harris. We didnāt have time for any internal bullshit in those 107 days. The lack of fight from her official campaign post-Election Night left me deflated, especially after hearing āWhen we fight, we win!ā all day, every day for the past five months.
Aside from all of the drama I never wanted, my 2018 experience and subsequent struggle figuring out who I can and canāt rely on has left me with hella trust issues, and you canāt really blame me for that. Iāve been promised jobs that never materialized if I would just help someone else with something theyāre doing. Iāve been told I was going to be paid for things I was never paid for. I have been repeatedly jerked around for just being a good-hearted person, and Iāve also been misunderstood when Iāve tried to explain myself.
Itās just frustrating when you keep doing the right thing while watching the wrong people get what you should already have. It would be great if good people got paid instead of the shitty people who have no problem stepping on those of us who are trying to earn an honest living.
And so I floated out in the abyss for years, wondering why I wasnāt having better luck at getting my good stuff seen. Elon hasnāt helped, obviously. I mean, look at this bullshit and tell me how Iām supposed to promote my book in this fucking bubble.
And then, just a couple of days ago, a mutual follower reached out to me to invite me to a DM room with just over 200 people in it. My immediate reaction was thanks, but no thanks, for all the reasons Iāve shared. They were cool about it, but then, after coming home from another fantastic night at Low Bar Chorale (all Fleetwood Mac!), I had an epiphany:
I didnāt have an online equivalent of Low Bar Chorale.
I didnāt have a group that intentionally gathers to support each other out in the Twitter Swillhole, fully dedicated to having each otherās backs.
And this particular group is embracing the silliness that used to be built into Twitter before Elon ruined everything, while also being very serious about what theyāre doing.
Which is using their combined efforts to take down the pedophiles in the US government while going after the worst people on Twitter. WITH HUMOR and fun hashtags, even as weāre talking about the unspeakable.
So I reached back out and asked if I could indeed join the group, because I realized thatās what Iāve been missing while slogging through each day in the Trumpian trenches.
Iāve been welcomed by the āSmokefleet,ā led by the inimitable āLiam Nissan,ā whoās repeatedly lost and regained his account countless times because so many dumb MAGAts think heās the real Liam Neeson and keep reporting him for being so anti-Trump.
If youāre not on Twitter, you wonāt understand the need for a unifying leader like āLiam,ā but if you enjoy puns based on cars and famous peopleās names, then the Smokefleet is ground zero for that.
Iām still working on my official Smokefleet name based on a car pun, but at least my profile picture has been properly adjusted now that Iām part of the dedicated pit crew.
Silly? You bet?
Do I love it?
Fuck yeah, I do.
Belonging matters. Community matters. Having real support and being able to give it back in kind matters.
As if feeling included wasnāt lovely enough, theyāre also supporting The Sound of Settling because SMART KIDS READ BOOKS!
The timing isnāt a coincidence. This community knew I needed them before I did, and Iām so grateful. Embracing what we have instead of fixating on what we donāt have (yet) feels a lot better, so I encourage you to open yourself up and try it.
Your people are out there. Keep your eyes and your heart open. Let them find you.
And then find yourself again.