WEEKEND AT DONNIE'S

Homeboy is sundowning bigly now

Like the shell of the husk of the person he once was, Donald Trump’s Oaks, PA, “Town Hall” Monday night rapidly declined into a disastrous mess that left the media scrambling for new ways to sanewash his absolutely bonkers behavior.

His complicit campaign staff of Project 2025 cultists hasn’t explained a single thing about the 38 minutes of what the corporate MSM defined as a “dance party” and an “impromptu concert,” but was one long WTF moment of batshittery that would be a career-ending moment for anyone else.

MSNBC’s Nicolle Wallace wasn’t one of them, thankfully. Not only was she all of us with this reaction, but she put the full 38 minutes on the bottom of the screen while her show continued, to demonstrate just how long 38 minutes feels.

While it started like any of his other Town Halls—which have replaced most of his rallies thanks to the dwindling crowds—it quickly went off the rails when two attendees needed medical attention thanks to the overheated venue. That’s what happens when you’re too cheap and broke to rent a hall with central air-conditioning, which host Kristi “Puppy Killer” Noem tried to blame on Kamala Harris because KKKristi Noem is a miserable MAGA Mean Girl forever stuck with Alina Habba’s Ivanka face.

After that interruption, Paw Paw completely lost his Trumptrain of thought and decided to hijack the whole thing by turning it into the world’s worst company Christmas party which everyone was forced to attend.

For 38 interminable minutes, Trump first awkwardly and silently swayed to a version of “Ave Maria” that sounded like it was recorded to only be played in a mall nail salon. Also on the playlist: the 9-minute version of “November Rain” by Guns ‘n’ Roses and Rufus Wainwright’s cover of “Hallelujah,” which he’s already denounced.

And then there was the ritual playing of Trump’s favorite song, the gay anthem “YMCA,” which straight people are indeed allowed to enjoy, but Trump’s obsession with the “gayest song ever” is a curious one. Our pal Lawrence O’Donnell sees him as we do, and his Trump takedowns should be taught in all Journalism 101 classes.

Trump also had a disastrous interview at the Bloomberg Economic Forum in Chicago on Tuesday where he once again showed the world that he still doesn’t understand what tariffs are or how math works.

Later that night, Trump seemed drunk, or at least very drugged, as he slurred his way through a speech in Atlanta that drove the tiny crowd to the exits.

We also learned that Trump called Kamala Harris—a former District Attorney, Attorney General of California, and Senator, along with being the current Vice President of the United States—the “R” word at a private fundraiser at Trump Tower last month, which hasn’t made a blip in the corporate media, so that’s fun for all of us.

How is the race this close, you ask? FUCK IF I KNOW, pally.

Conversely, Kamala Harris crushed an interview with Charlamagne Tha God on Tuesday and is being interviewed by Bret Baier on Fox News later today. Broken MAGA brains continue to fry over that and are attacking Baier for conducting the Fox News interview they’ve been demanding from Kamala Harris. Baier is a regular conservative, not a MAGA mouthpiece, and so Cult 45 is big mad because they wanted the Vice President to sit down with Sean Hannity or Jesse Watters.

Kamala Harris did not come to play and she doesn’t owe anyone shit. I just hope she draws the line at Joe Rogan. I don’t care how many white bro voters might be listening to Rogan; he’s a batshit crazy conspiracy theorist who’s also fully anti-women. MVP went on Howard Stern and killed it, so we’re good on the white guy demo.

But there are reasons to feel encouraged in these final weeks before the election. Georgia set a record yesterday for the first day of early voting, with over 300K votes cast, shattering the 2020 record of just over 138,000 votes. And we know Republicans don’t vote early, so Twitter is now being flooded by MAGA accounts begging Georgia Trumpers to GOTV early.

Only they won’t, you know. They didn’t in 2020. They always wait until Election Day, which is now fine by me now that a judge won’t let their GOP-run state elections board fuck with the counts.

The obvious losing, along with the sentencing in New York in six weeks, is getting to him bigly. There’s going to be a last-hurrah Nazi rally at Madison Square Garden on the 27th, but at least we’ve figured out some fuckery to do if it doesn’t get canceled.

Give away free tickets to your Nazi hate rally, watch This Jew claim two of them, and then never show up. THOUSANDS of Twitter users are doing this, including the Never Trumpers like George Conway (no, I’ll never trust him, thanks) and the Lincoln Project, so maybe there will be just enough empty seats there to further embarrass Duh Fuhrious.

And now, the plea for you to buy my rock and roll love story, The Sound of Settling, because you know why by now, right? Your girl is crispy from the constant politics and nothing sparks joy in me like knowing people love my book. BE ONE OF THEM! You’re allowed to take breaks from politics, so take them with Lila and Grady, pretty please with the hopes of a book deal on top.

Thank you! I love you! And we’re going to win, because we are.