WHAT A SHITTY WEEK

And I'm not only referring to politics for once

I mostly didn’t like anything that happened this week. Parts of Los Angeles are still on fire. Joe Biden gave his farewell address warning us about the incoming oligarchy I begged Democrats to fend off. We’re going to have a Cabinet of Complicit Clowns who know nothing about running a government. All they want to do is dismantle what’s been working and replace it all with Bitcoin or something.

The confirmation hearings were a perfect example of how fully inept Trump and his picks are. At least Senate Democrats are shredding them all, not that it’ll matter when it comes time to vote because the math leans MAGA. Not a single one of Trump’s unqualified nominees has been able to answer basic questions, because none of them ever do. Elizabeth Warren and Mazie Hirono have been on fire while the MAGA sucKKKups are fawning over puppy killer KKKristi Noem and Unwanted Florida Ivanka Pam Bondi.

I’m vacillating on how I’m going to mentally preserve myself over the next four years because I’m just not prepared for the profound changes ahead, mainly the financial ones. Unlike MAGA, I understand just how bad a 25% increase in tariffs on goods from Canada and Mexico is going to be, along with the promised 10% hike on everything from China.

MAGA will find out too late that we were right all along, but we’re all going to have to suffer for their cult stupidity and Musk’s Starlink fuckery. No one thinks Trump will live to see the end of his term, and then we’re going to be stuck with GWB 2.0 in the form of JD “Vladimir Futon” Vance. The couch fucker is already controlled by Elon Musk and Peter PayPal Thiel, so they’ll actually be running America.

For those of us lucky enough to live in Blue states, we’ll feel it all a little less. But with selfish billionaires in charge of the government who won’t raise the minimum wage while also not giving themselves tax cuts, how do you think that’s all going to go?

Every corporate billionaire who pledged money to Trump was meant to be sat in a VIP section at the Fauxnauguration on Monday, but since it’s going to be cold and he’s a vain lump of felonious shit who doesn’t want to look frumpy in a big coat, they’ve moved the ceremony inside to the Capitol Rotunda, where space is limited and I won’t be watching anyway.

At least he won’t be able to lie about crowd sizes this time. They’re going to let people who had tickets watch from screens inside the Capitol One Arena (capacity: 20,000), but MAGA losers are already crying that they went to DC for nothing.

So, there’s a bright spot. I’ll take all the good news I can get, thanks.

There was also non-political stuff going on as well to make this week extra shitty, literally.

I had to prep for a colonoscopy (my third) scheduled for this morning, and nobody ever wants to do that. It had been delayed and rescheduled based on the doctor’s schedule, and I was supposed to go in on January 6th. I really wanted to be out cold that day, but then they moved it AGAIN to the 17th.

Anyway, I’ll spare you the gorier details, because IYKYK and if you don’t, someday you will.

I had to stop eating solids by 9 pm on Tuesday (today is Friday) and I did the Miralax solution Wednesday night rather than the Gavilyte. All I need to say is that by this morning, just like Liz Phair, I was clean as a whistle, baby.

Everyone knows the only good part of getting a colonoscopy is the sweet sweet cocktail of knockout drugs that I think I might have been able to enjoy for two seconds. The last thing I recall is looking at the monitor as the Fentanyl/Versed glory was administered into my IV.

I was gently woken in my room and I sort of remember the doctor telling me there was only one polyp (yay me!) and it “didn’t look too bad.” Hopefully, the lab results back that up. And it all cost me ZERO DOLLARS, thanks Obama!

I’m still a little groggy from the drugs, but that didn’t stop me from inhaling half a pizza from Dimo’s before I sat down to write this. But I did want to end this mostly shitty week with two not-at-all-shitty notes:

Firstly, I’m now writing for the Sexy Liberal/Political Voices Network Substack, yay! This week, I interviewed Frangela, John Fugelsang, and Hal Sparks ahead of the last stop on the Sexy Liberal Save the World Tour tomorrow night in DC. You can watch the livestream PPV at Meethook.live with guests Rep. Jamie Raskin, Harry Dunn, Olivia Troye, and George Conway.

Second and finally, I’m only TWENTY away from selling the 1000th copy of The Sound of Settling!

While I’m getting close, there were a couple of MAGA Mean Girls who wrote fake reviews this week, coincidentally when I was being super vocal on Twitter about the truths of January 6th.

Amazon won’t do anything no matter how many times I report them, because Jeff Bezos is a Trumpsimp and I really need a proper book deal so I don’t have to solely rely on Amazon KDP for the bulk of my royalties.

But it’s just shitty to see those first when there are also new good ones!

So ANYWAY, you can help make things less shitty by buying/boosting my beloved book and also giving it five stars, because fuck MAGA.

Thank you, and please schedule all of your appointments and screenings because I love you.